Gramps

When I was little, going to my grandpa's house wasn't my favorite thing in the world. The drive to phoenix was painfully long for an 8 year old. I remember getting to the tunnel and knowing we were close. I'd hold my breath and make a ridiculous wish for something like the ability to fly, or kiss a boy. I always ended up having fun at Grandpa Johnson's house though. First stop was the kitchen. I'd fling off my shoes at the front door and reach out one of my hands to give my grandpa one of those half hugs because I was moving too fast towards the other room. Once I made it to the kitchen I always turned it into a top secret cookie mission. I'd tip toe across the cold tile floor and make my way to that counter to the right of the pink stove, stretch my arms up, be extra silent lifting the lid off the cookie jar, and grab as many cookies as my tiny hands could hold. I don't know why I always felt like I had to "sneak" to get those cookies. Looking back on it, i'm pretty sure my grandpa would specially stock the jar anticipating our visit. Leaving a cookie crumb trail behind me, I would meet my brother and sister out in the backyard. They would already be up in an orange tree, or jumping into the compost pile pit. The trees seemed so massive, and the pit we would jump into so deep. Everything was exciting back then and ready to be explored. We'd spend hours back there picking radishes and eating them off the vine, going through all of the old toys and trinkets my grandpa had stored on the side of the house, just doing what kids did. Once the adults were done with their "floral sofa conversations" they would make their way out to watch us kids play. They'd sit in lawn chairs and chat a little more about things I wish I could listen in on today. My grandpa had the best stories, but I was too young to realize it until I was about 18. Grandpa Johnson passed away when I was 21. I'd give anything to make that "painfully long" drive to phoenix again and chat with my grandpa about what it was like to live during the great depression, or how much different everything was when he was younger. I wish I had recorded the stories he told in a journal or something because my memory is probably my worst quality. I forget everything, especially important details.



A few nights ago we went and visited grandma and grandpa cody (taylor's grandparents). There was something very comforting about the gingerale and freshly baked m&m cookies we shared while looking at old photos and telling stories on the couch.

I don't know what flipped the switch, I never do.

I have this pattern in life.... I'll feel really motivated one day and decide to work out. Once I actually do it I realize it's not that bad. The ball starts rolling and one healthy habit leads to another. Before I know it I'm full steam ahead. This lasts for about a month. I'll loose a little weight and decide.... it's okay to have that piece of chocolate cake or.... 1/3 of the cake, and it's alright to skip a few days of working out. Then just as fast as the good habits took over the bad ones creep in and I'm falling deeper into what I call "the hole". I think this routine is semi- normal for women but sometimes wonder why I can't break the cycle. What is wrong with me? is it my past? my genetics? my brain? am I depressed?..... I don't feel depressed.... am I in denial? All of these thoughts swirl in my mind. I think when it comes down to it I just don't give myself enough credit. This is where marrying a man that does give you credit comes in handy. Taylor has been such a motivating factor for me, It's almost like I can see myself through his eyes and I am this strong, talented, unique, beautiful woman that he keeps telling me that I am. He is the "nudge" and the support that I've needed my entire life.

So I'm not sure what flipped the switch this time, the switch that starts the good habits, but I'm glad I'm digging myself out of the hole I was in for a while. I have gone almost a month without soda and I'm exercising pretty much every week day and doing some kind of physical activity on the weekends. I'm not trying anything extraordinary, just slow progress and it feels really good.

I'm taking taekwondo after work on Tuesdays/Thursdays and really enjoying it, its a good way to wake up the body after 8 hours of mind numbing work. I leave feeling energized and strong. On the off days I do yoga. It's a good routine but I think I'm ready to add some different work outs and change up my diet. I still eat some crappy foods, but I'm on my way to eating better.

Today is a slow day at work. End of the month fun.... 8 hours of internet surfing, book reading, bad food wanting, flash game playing, music listening, netflix watching, blog reading, stumbleuponing fun! It sounds nice, but by day 2 i'm done. I visit a lot of photography blogs and man does that sound like the perfect job? The grass is always greener I know, but If I could I would give that a shot for sure. This is actually a serious dream of mine. It would take a lot of work... classes, equipment, money etc. but that's what dreams are for right?

Iron and wine on conan? yes please! sometimes this job is okay I guess.